Would Darth Vader Make a Good President?

Darth Vader is undoubtedly one of the most iconic figures in sci-fi. He is also one of the most brilliant examples of an aggressive style of leadership that has ever been written. So, how would Darth Vader work out if he were elected President of the United States in the present state of the world?

Partisan Politics
Let’s face it, the current political climate makes it nearly impossible for any single politician to make very much positive change. Partisanship throws any reasonable chance of passing legislation that does anything more than give Congress raises right out the window. Darth Vader would probably take a quick look at some of the more partisan and vocal members of Congress, and give them a lesson in “aggressive negotiations.” Let’s face it, nothing short of a Force Choke or lightsaber would do more to bring Congress together on virtually every issue.

Would Darth Vader Make a Good President?Before long, Congress would likely be replaced by members of President Vader’s Clone Army, guaranteeing that every decision made would pass by an unanimous vote. The Clone Congress would be the first legislative body comprised of members from a single political party.

Economy
Just as he ended the war with the greedy Trade Federation, Darth Vader would take a very hard and absolute stance against greedy bankers and crooked politicians who are causing ongoing problems with the economy. Do you think the Enron scandal would have taken place on Darth Vader’s watch? No!

War in Iraq and Afghanistan
Let’s face it, Osama Bin Laden and his cronies wouldn’t have survived very long if Darth Vader were in charge. Instead of sending troops overseas, he’d probably go over there himself with a dispatch of clones to take out as many enemy leaders as possible. If they refused to give up the location of their base of operations, he’d have a few IT-O Interrogator droids on hand to find out everything he needs to know.

World Peace
Let’s face it, Darth Vader wouldn’t put up with International politics for very long. Negotiating peace between world leaders is just a matter of applying the right amount of force to the right people. Even North Korea would have a hard time disagreeing with President Vader after a quick test of his fully functional International Space Station.

Space Exploration
What good is being President of the United States if you can’t expand your empire to include the Moon and a few neighboring planets? His “Second Moon” initiative would result in a groundbreaking new method for persuading extraterrestrials to come in peace, as well.

Universal Healthcare
What could be a better legacy for any world leader than to leave behind a system of equal healthcare for everyone, regardless of their income, race, or background? President Vader would immediately, and with full approval of the Clone Congress, replace medical personnel with 2-1B, FX-6, and FX-8 medical droids. These droids would be capable of working around the clock to replace lost limbs with mechanical ones, deliver babies, and treat illness without risking catching any diseases themselves. Furthermore, the pharmaceutical industry would be put out of business. There’s nothing a good lifetime of forced hard labor can’t cure.

Education
Education would undoubtedly improve under President Vader’s term. Children who have trouble grasping fundamental lessons will be shipped off to a distant desert planet, never to be heard from again. From that moment forward, they would be referred to as Tuskens.

Climate Change
Climate change is an important issue to President Vader. Being the victim of a form of global warming himself, his policy on climate change would be absolute. Climate scientists will be forced to spend one year on Mustafar, and climate change skeptics will be forced to spend a year on Hoth. Somewhere in the middle, everyone is sure to agree on a sound policy to keep the Earth habitable for many years to come.

Reelection
One of the biggest disappointments about modern politics in the US is how many months of a politician’s term are spent on the road seeking reelection. Under President Vader, elections will be suspended until every problem is solved, meaning that President Vader and the Clone Congress could stay in office for a long, long time to come.

1 comments On Would Darth Vader Make a Good President?

  • That’s pretty good. However, I think Bigfoot would be better than what is being dumped on the voting public.

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